Claus-trophobia and Santa's Other Maritimes Misadventures

It turns out that Santa has had a remarkable number of strange misadventures in the Maritimes over the years. Here are four of them. (Jonathan G. Meath/WikiCommons)

Claus-trophobia

In 1922, the Telegraph-Journal investigated the story behind Santa Claus’ late arrival for an event at a Saint John school assembly.

“The proceedings were being dragged out and lengthened and duly continued and carried further,” at the assembly, the newspaper reported, “but still no Santa Claus appeared.”

One bored child disappeared to go to a washroom. Along the way, he heard the sound of faint cries coming from the cupboard.

Santa, the newspaper explained, “was intent on slipping in when no one was looking and had pushed his way into a dark cupboard” to hide.

“But once ready to greet the children … he was not able to get out of his dark corner at all.”

The wandering child found that the cupboard was locked.

So, rather than inform the adults who were still trying to drag out the assembly, the child took it upon himself to find the janitor who had the keys.

The janitor, however, had gone home.

So the child left school to walk to the janitor’s house.

The janitor was apparently somewhat skeptical of the child’s story at first, until, according to the newspaper, the child said:

“Set free the jovial Saint Nick, unless he should vow vengeance on so inhospitable a school.”

Presumably taken aback by a child speaking that way, the janitor gathered his keys and hurried to the school to release and abjectly apologize to Santa.

Apparently not one to hold a grudge, Santa went to the assembly where he received a warm welcome.

The teachers felt there was “something dark and mysterious about this incident,” and “looked frowningly in the direction of the boys … some upon the halo of innocence was shining with a brilliance that was rather overdone.”

When Santa was asked to point fingers at who had locked him in the cupboard, he refused to name names.

He did, however, complain that “never before has Santa Claus been submitted to such humiliating circumstances.”

Santa Arrested in Dartmouth

“It seems that Santa comes to Shearwater by navy helicopter,” began a 1970 article in The Mysterious East magazine about a bizarre incident that had come to their attention.

The Fredericton-based counter-culture magazine called the tale ”perhaps the most delightful story to come to our attention over the holiday season.”

The story took place in Dartmouth, NS, where CFB Shearwater had a longstanding tradition that Santa would visit not on a sled pulled by eight tiny reindeer. Instead, wrote the magazine, “Santa comes … by navy helicopter, dropping from the skies to distribute toys among the base’s children.”

“On this occasion,” wrote The Mysterious East, “he had geared up with several tots of strong navy rum…”

The military helicopter landed on the airstrip, and the eager children of enlisted personnel, and their smiling parents gathered around.

As soon as he came down, it was apparent that Santa Claus was, in the words of the magazine “steering a slightly erratic course.”

The base commander, who was present, began to become suspicious.

“Merr-rry Chrishmush! It’sh jolly old Shanta! Ho, ho, ho!” the magazine quoted Santa as saying.

Then he once again hollered "Merry Christmas," but this time added in a certain other word in the middle which many a text message has auto-corrected to “ducking.”

“Military police!” the base commander roared, “Arrest that man!”

Santa was hustled back into the chopper, which took off as the children burst into tears.

“WAAAA!!” quoted the magazine “THEY’RE TAKING SANTA AWAY! THEY’VE ARRESTED SANTA!!”

Jet Age Santa’s Grand Entrance

Santa Claus arriving by military aircraft wasn’t entirely unusual — especially during the early days of the jet age. Back in 1948, Santa made headlines with a grand entrance at Chatham Air Force Base in what a startled Telegraph-Journal reporter described as “a jet-powered plane!”

In a remarkable meeting of modern and traditional, Santa stepped down from the sleek new fighter jet and was met by a horse-drawn sled waiting to whisk him to the Chatham Opera House.

Once he arrived at the Opera House, Santa proved that appearances could be deceiving. Apparently, Santa was more than fit than he looked. He hopped out of the sled, sprinted up to the building and began climbing up its side with impressive ease.

As the adults watched in horrified astonishment fearing a fall and the children roared with excitement, Santa managed to get all the way to the roof of the Opera House.

Once he got up to the top, he gave a wave, sauntered over to the chimney and hopped right down it.

Inside, one very sooty Santa handed out gifts to “more than 1,000 shouting, laughing children, where he distributed gifts before leaving in the direction of Moncton,” wrote the Telegraph-Journal’s reporter.

Santa’s Private Phone Line

In the corridor of a Saint John elementary school in 1954, a teacher walked in on the curious sight of a little girl “from one of the lower grades” slowly and carefully reciting a series of numbers. A large group of children were gathered around her, focussed on every number, meticulously writing them down.

The bewildered teacher became even more befuddled when she realized that the child was reeling off a phone number.

Growing concerned, the Saint John Globe newspaper reported, the teacher decided to call the mystery phone number.

It was answered by the little girl’s uncle.

The uncle explained that the little girl had refused to tell her parents what she wanted for Christmas. In an effort to figure out what she wanted, they gave her his phone number and told her it was Santa Claus’ private phone line.

“It seems,” the uncle said, “that the little niece furnished every kid in town with the number!”

The little girl’s uncle told the teacher that he had been playing the part of Santa Claus every time a child called his phone, adding: “I haven’t had any rest for a week!”

“We often wonder,” sighed the Globe’s editorial “what Santa Claus thinks of these imposters.”

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